Six months ago, I signed up for a fitness challenge. I surpassed my goal, won some money, and the next day, I signed up for a new one. I didn't have a celebratory pizza, a spa day, or even a cupcake. I went back to the gym, and did two back-to-back spin classes. There's something about motivation -regardless of whether it's about athleticism or anything else in life- that carries with it a sense of fear. A fear of losing this fleeting drive, this desire to be your best, to push yourself. I think what if I let myself slip today? will it set the stage for tomorrow's failure? And I get so consumed by that idea that I find it easier to just put on a pair of sweats and work out. A few days ago, I found myself hunched over a trash can at the gym, about to revisit dinner in a backwards way. I had a fever, but ran on an uphill incline until everything started to turn black. I had a weekly mileage target, and those italicized words repeated themselves in my head over and over again, and there I was. How do you draw the line between perseverance and overdoing it? Determining that has become part of my new year's resolution for 2015.
Anais mentioned she's going for a run on new year's day because what she does on that day essentially determines how she lives the rest of the year. I also like to go for a run every January 1st to start the year off right, and I was certainly planning to do that, until I thought: what is 'right'? Why do we make a list of 'things that must be done' and only reward ourselves when we've crossed these 'right' things off the list? This year, in committing to my resolution, I did absolutely nothing on new year's day- nothing challenging, anyway. The day was a combination of lazing around in bed, eating warm, yummy food, and watching movies. Outside, runners were hitting their distance goals, and inside, there was the warm glow of a little candle and a scary movie on the big screen. And you know what, it was exactly what I needed.
I've got some ideas for my annual January diet challenge, but they aren't taking center stage anymore. Instead, my goal this year is to kick back and oh I don't know..maybe not push myself so hard I break my middle toe (hello 2013!). My resolution is to drink all the lattes, see all the friends, take all the baths, read all the books, eat all the cake, run when I want to, and just generally chill out. We miss so much of the day's beauty when we're focusing on the things we 'have' to do ("life gets in the way of living"-Grade) that what I'd like is to just simply, in its purest form....chill out.
And as a testament to all of the chilling that is about to ensue, this hoodie has become less of a gym accessory and more of a relaxorama uniform!
I hope you take some time for yourselves this year. You're worth it!