If Christmas Sucks

It's Christmas Eve! And instead of writing about the amount of Christmas puddings I plan on binge-eating tonight in my sleep, I'd like to talk about something a little more important, and actually, less funny.

The other day, having finished watching every Hallmark Christmas film known to man (if you haven't discovered these already, they're an absolute gem - terrifically horrible acting, a plot line as flat as something flat that I can't think of at the moment, and if you're lucky enough, Candace Cameron Bure, attempting to convince us that she "just loves Christmas" unlike anyone else on the planet. More on this later.)...so anyway, the other day, having finished watching it, I started looking through the Christmas stuff on Netflix, and when I came across Christmas with the Kranks, I felt a really bizarre feeling, sort of like frustration and exasperation. It didn't take me long to realize why, and that was when I decided this was something I needed to tell you.

an old friend

I'd love to attribute my lack of posting to a spiritual quest-filled absence, or to perhaps some sort of matter of principle type of endeavor (maybe involving me rebelling against cyberspace in general) but really, it's because I've been busy eating.  And by eating I mean drinking.  And by drinking I mean drinking.  It's been a very lovely holiday season despite my new-found friendship with red wine, and thanks to my mom's cooking, I'll likely be spending new year's eve in one of those motorized Wal-Mart wheelchairs, which I'll have driven past the limits of the parking lot, to the side of the road and, hopefully, into oncoming traffic.  On a less depressing note, my favorite part about Christmas this year was the color of the sky.  After dinner, we took a walk outside and, as can be seen by these photos, it looked like it was late afternoon instead of nearly-midnight. It wasn't too cold either, which was a very nice touch for Canada, and provided the best excuse to throw on an old friend: my vintage coat.

a little kissmas dinner

Once upon a time, I decided to have a kissmas dinner and invited my all-time favorite people (minus a couple of girls who erroneously informed me of their absences this weekend...I'm looking at you, Lindsay and Amy.) For some strange reason, the preparatory process this time around involved me looking like I participate in the occasional gang fight. While cutting the baguette, I somehow sliced my finger open. Staggering out of the kitchen in absolute bewilderment at the amount of blood a little finger can produce, I stepped on a sharp staple, causing half of it to sink far into my foot and causing my foot to follow my finger's lead, gushing more blood. That would've been fine, except in my confusion, I knocked over a piece of equally bloody beef, and still in shock, as luck would have it, stepped right on it, grinding my fresh cut into it. Thinking this scenario is beyond ridiculous and refusing to give in to pain or bovine diseases, I carried on my cooking journey, grabbing the next item that needed to be cut which turned out to be an organic carrot. Here's the thing though: organic carrots are thin and pointy.  This particular carrot also happened to be slippery, causing me to jam it under the nail of my index finger, tearing the skin and...yeah..more blood ensued.  So there I was, bleeding from both hands and suffering from mad cow disease, but all in all, it worked out pretty well. Figs, as it turns out, are out of season and had to be purchased practically on the black market - hello Lebanon!-and I only realized the meringues had to be baked the night before when it was already the night before (and I was moderately drunk)- though still somehow beat those egg whites into submission - but the spirit of kissmas ensued and everything was ready for the arrival of my beautiful guests.  Of exceptional importance is the fact that Tyler actually made it down from Montreal, causing 90% of the photos to be blurry from our laughter-induced convulsions.

Prosciutto Goat-Cheese Figs

Kahlua, Mint, and Raspberry Truffles

My new favorite sparkling wine!

Tyler making a serious effort to be classy..

Just two beautiful girls

Foreground: White Chocolate Meringues with Blackberry Whipped Cream

Benisa just being her gorgeous self..

With everyone at the table, a pretty sight

With Alisa at the table, well...

Our best attempt at a family photo..

Attempt #2..yeah forget it. 

kissmas, you're almost here!

This year, I opted to stray from the popsicle stick reindeer and popcorn garlands for the Christmas tree, and went with an aquamarine+white theme instead.  Just kidding about the popsicle stick reindeer and popcorn garlands..I wouldn’t dare.  My sister was kind enough to help me string the little (well I’ll just say it) blue balls, and the decorating process was warmly accompanied by Mariah’s All I Want for Christmas, on repeat.  

Then I put together a centerpiece for my upcoming dinner, which looked a little something like this, and left my apartment covered in tiny Styrofoam balls…

Money Tree was feeling a little excluded so I bestowed upon him my newly acquired (and very prized) ornaments- glass peanut and toadstool- purchased on a lovely afternoon with Anais:

After putting together the tree, I realized something vital was missing. I needed something to top it, something angelic, ethereal, pure, beautiful, and as holy as it gets: Daniel Craig.  Here he is:

I'd like this year-round, please.