August Roundup

-"And some people want to be called Mister when they're a woman. You'd have to be so careful these days!"

-"Oh"

A conversation between a patient and her Chinese acupuncturist (who spoke no English), at the acupuncture clinic I frequented this month. 

The majority of my August was devoted to physiotherapy, tiger balm, ice packs, heat packs, acupuncture in the stinkiest of stinky acupuncture clinics (not a bad thing!), and one of the best trips Jeff and I have ever been on: Tallinn!

My Learning Something and Something Productive were comprised of learning about intermittent fasting and acupuncture, and I have to say while acupuncture didn't seem to work, intermittent fasting was very effective.  The pain in my shoulders subsided by about 70%, about four weeks in. I'm not yet sure if I'll stick with it in the longterm because of how it may affect my thyroid, but I'll definitely give it a shot for the foreseeable.  

My Fitness Challenge was to get out of my comfort zone and start doing laps at the swimming pool. The one and only thing I had to overcome, when it comes to swimming at the pool, was wearing the horrendous mandatory swimming cap.  I've long dreaded this awful adornment, and it alone has stopped me from trying triathlons (really, I'm not being dramatic).  Around the same time I started swimming, I was also very conscious of the massive purple dots on my back from the cupping I had gotten, so I also purchased a swimsuit that covers your entire back. You'd think there are cool ones out there. There aren't. So I, a human condom, stepped into the water for the first time in years this August, and swam, and got out, and pulled the swimsuit to release the suction created by the water, which of course made an echoing fart sound, and walked out of the pool a polyester dickhead.  

This all pales in comparison to my Something New: bringing a guy to my hometown. 

I've never wanted anyone else to see Tallinn, because they'd never know the Tallinn I knew: the little glow-in-the-dark beetles sitting on poison ivy bushes by our apartment, the bouquets of Lilly of the Valley in newspaper cones outside the Old Town, the smell of the first banana I ever tasted, the day we left for Canada. These are captured only in the photographs of my memory. I have no pictures, but I remember how they felt, and I know they'll never feel that way again. Tallinn now is not like Tallinn from thirty years ago, and I'm well aware of the nightmarish Soviet buildings that, without their little poison ivy beetles, just make a person say "Err, how long are we here for, again?" 

Jeff is different though. I figured since he's probably here to stay (lol), I might as well pull the bandage off and show him where I really grew up.  We booked a five day trip because that was the only flight itinerary available, and I cringed at the idea of having to fill five days of activities. As it turned out, we barely had time to see and do everything! 

The weather was perfect. It was warm, the sky was blue, and the sun set on the little houses in the Old Town in a cinematic, almost theatrical way.  We stayed at the Hotell Palace and the staff could not have been friendlier or more accommodating. Our room was gorgeous and there was a speaker in our BATHROOM so you could take a shhhhhh

shower and listen to all your favourite Eurotrash hits. It was amazing.

There was a spa with a Finnish sauna and steam room, and we ordered cocktails which they brought down and handed to us while we sat in the jacuzzi like some kind of Kings or something.

My one true goal of the trip was to find the best cakes - the ones I've been day-dreaming about as I navigate the new world comprised of thick slabs of 'sponge', slathered with jam and heavy cream - and show Jeff once and for all that there's a reason I'm so picky. We went to coffee shop after coffee shop, and grocery stores, and bakeries, and I bought about 40 cakes altogether, but alas, something had changed. Tallinn, as suspected, had now gone international.  The cakes went from delicate European creations to the more robust variety, palatable and recognizable by tourists, the likes of cheesecakes and mousses. 

This was actually my favourite of the coffee shop cakes - creamy layers between a light poppyseed sponge

The first of many trial cakes..

I then led Jeff to what I thought would be the check-mate of cake shops, impervious to globalization and stoic in its commitment to tradition: a cake shop my mother took me to frequently, on days I didn't want to go to school: Maiasmokk. 

I ordered a cake I used to order when I was four years old, called 'Chestnut'. Jeff, of course, ordered a cheesecake.  

My cake was dry and altogether unimpressive, while his cheesecake, a creation I wouldn't look at twice, was absolutely delicious.

I never expected that cakes, my raison d'être, would also serve to teach me possibly the most important lesson of this decade: stop trying to find the past. It's not there anymore.

Conversely, everything that we discovered together for the first time was incredible.  We found a coffee shop tucked away on the Smallest Street in Tallinn (Saiakaik). The coffees were said to be the best in Tallinn, and maybe they were, but it was the little moment at the little wooden table, with the rising sun over the orange rooftops, that made our morning exceptional.

We also discovered a gorgeous little coffee shop called Kiosk No. 2, where the interior decor was luxurious but understated, with lush green velour and plant details:

After trying Russian, Georgian, and Medieval Estonian food, on our last night we decided to try a modern Estonian restaurant called Kolm Sibulat (Three Onions), and there, I had one of the best meals of my life.  We had kimchi pork belly, a carrot tartare (insane), and a fried chicken cutlet on curried cauliflower and pomegranate. I've never been to a modern restaurant in Estonia before, so again, it was so lovely to make a new tradition.

We also discovered Estonian boozy milkshake 'cocktails', and while I've loved the alcohol-free ones since I was little (the combination of vanilla ice cream and plum juice is just out of this world delicious), I didn't know that the alcoholic variety could be so, so good. We found a speakeasy type bar hidden atop a souvenir shop, and there, they served insanely good cocktails.  Jeff's cocktails included a blackberry mojito and a raspberry mojito, and you'd think they blended an entire forest of berries into both because the berry taste was so sharply pronounced. My cocktail was a combination of vanilla ice cream, vanilla vodka, passion fruit, and mango. A grilled marshmallow sat on top. It was superb. Bonus: we ordered like ten drinks and the waiters were stoned and only charged us for five of them.

We also discovered a little area called Rotterman, which had a very cool exposed brick/deconstructed/Brooklyn vibe.  It was comprised of living quarters, shops, galleries, and a place called Rost that (again) had impeccable flat whites and cardamom buns..

Another amazing place we discovered for the first time was an area called Telliskivi Creative City.  Again, it had really cool Brooklyn vibes, set between abandoned train tracks and a port, and comprised of warehouse-like buildings, some of which were galleries, and others restaurants, bars, or shops.  We had a couple of beers and listened to a playlist of exceptionally offensive music (Andre Williams, look him up). We saw a DJ spinning tracks in a tiny shipping container and we tried jet black vanilla ice cream. I didn't know this side of Tallinn even existed, and I'm so glad we found it.

We found a science lab themed bar one night, where the drinks came in test tube shots. The bar itself was lit up in flashing lights, and for a while we forgot we aren't sixteen anymore, and drank test tubes of Urine Sample and Cure for Covid (banana and raspberry..I hope). I'm so glad places like this still exist.

We also sat in the Town Square every evening. There was an old Russian man playing piano, and the atmosphere was very calm and relaxed, with tourists at a minimum, and beers relatively cheap. 

It was surreal to walk by my old building, where I spent the first few years of my life. The front path was now covered in trees, and the poison ivy bushes were still there, but there were no beetles.  Jeff was very polite and didn't freak out at how scary some of the buildings were in that area.

Jeff was equally as polite when it came to trying Russian food - in particular the Herring Under a Fur Coat, a dish that consists of beetroot, carrots, potatoes, and a layer of herring underneath it all.  I'm not even a fan of it, myself.  "I'm just very full," Jeff said, pushing the plate away as he does when I cook him vegetables. 

The offending party ^

Buffet-style bites at Lido - the chicken cutlet was our favourite

Also the half-pickled cucumbers were so good!

The Georgian restaurant was a bit lacklustre

The one and only Salad Olivier, a Russian potato salad I make for people I like, now and then..

The wild meat atrocity we sampled at Olde Hansa in the Old Town..yikes

Duck and thyme Pelmeni (dumplings) at Pelmen in the T1 Mall

 

Something that caught me off guard and completely floored me was seeing students go back to school on September 1st.  I didn't realize it at first, and wondered why so many kids were walking through the streets in extremely fancy clothes - I mean two piece suits, tuxedos nearly - each of them holding a bouquet of flowers. It took me a while to realize this is Estonian and Russian tradition, and I was elated to see it in real life. I've only ever seen it in photos, and my mom has told me stories of how seriously Russians and Estonians take the first day of school, but to be able to witness it all right in front of me left me speechless and just sort of...watching..like a pervert.  It was so nice to see kids show this appreciation and respect for their teachers through this formality.  We headed into a coffee shop that morning and saw two little girls with their parents, opening their back to school gifts - books, in Estonian.  We also noticed the shop was selling First Day of School pastries, which was so incredibly endearing..

Other things of note: there is a bar entirely devoted to Depeche Mode (called Depeche Mode),  a long pathway perfect for running by the water, leading to the beach, the famous Kiek in De Kok (HAHA) is still there,  there are still flower stalls at the Viru Gates although no Lilly of the Valley, and Jeff is an influencer, as can be seen below. 

Tallinn went from being my slightly awkward secret to a place I'd love to come back to, and while I'm sure letting go of the past was integral in that, I think part of it may be attributed to that silly person I know, who always makes everything magical, and samples fifty cakes with me on a whim.